The Warriors vs. Die Hard



My god, The Warriors is a great flick...but I grew up worshipping John McClane and his nifty use of tape.

Has there EVER been a movie as unapolagetically uncool as The Warriors? Will there EVER be another movie as uncool as The Warriors? I can't say with absolute certainty seeing as I've watched fewer than 3000 of all the world's movies but it's still something I'd be willing to bet my penis and at least one testicle on. Every line of dialogue is sooo fucking bad. Every time a line of dialogue is uttered, the execution and delivery is sooo fucking bad. Then there's the facial expression of Warlord; a countenance so blank that you feel it would be unflappable at the WSOP; a gaze so steely and so damn far into the distance that you actually consider the possibility that this man is staring at the back of his own head, weary of male pattern baldness; a face so still and emotionless that even the most trained of Vulcans would seethe with jealousy (note how this final metaphor actually reinforces itself). The Warriors is a film that may actually reduce the coolness of anyone watching it at the cellular level, affecting the next six generations of said viewers direct descendants. However, the movie in fact counters this effect by making it impossible for the viewer to ever get laid again by draining the entire stock of his or her cool. BUT, it's just so fun! (Die Hard is still better though.)

Warriors was cool but Die Hard (excuse me, Steve McQueen) is the KING of cool.

I really enjoyed The Warriors but Die Hard definitely beats it.

The Warriors is good, but it really loses steam in its final 30 minutes. Die Hard never loses anything, so it wins.

Die Hard obliterates The Warriors...

Die Hard suppsuses all The Warriors

...Suppsuses. Suppsuses. Hm...

Well I'm going to be a loner because I'm going with The Warriors