What to Watch this Weekend: 42 vs. Scary Movie 5
I took an unwanted hiatus last week due to lack of internet and I would like to apologize for leaving you in the lurch. I’m sure you were just aimlessly wandering the lobby of your local cineplex, having no idea what movie to watch. “Should I go see an inferior remake in Evil Dead or an apparent cash grab in Jurassic Park 3D?” You more than likely asked random passers-by. Well never fear, I have returned to break down the trailers and help guide you to your next favorite movie like a mother duck leading her chicks across a busy street.
Notable Actors: Chadwick Boseman, Harrison Ford, Nicole Beharie, Christopher Meloni, Lucas Black, Alan Tudyk
Director: Brian Helgeland
Music Used: Jay Z – “Brooklyn (Go Hard)”
You would think little Jackie could have found a better place to practice baseball than between two train tracks.
“Colored.” Prepare to feel guilty for 2 hours white people.
In case you didn’t understand what “white baseball” meant, here is a line of all the white people that are Jackie Robinson’s teammates.
In terms of cinematography this trailer already makes this movie look exactly like Red Tails. I hope this movie is better than Red Tails.
“Your enemy” *cue white guy looking aggravated*
That’s how athletes are supposed to deal with the media. They ask a dumb question, you give a wise ass answer.
That guy in the press box was so wrong. There are still plenty of white men in baseball.
Did people really say stuff like that? Man white people were assholes.
I’m glad this is the trailer with this random guy being the racist and not Alan Tudyk. Racist Alan Tudyk makes me sad.
I’ve lost count of how many asshole white people they’ve shown in this trailer. 2 of them have been decent.
“Too high.” (I’ve could have done this whole thing in Major League quotes so consider yourselves lucky I only used one)
Cue the Jay-Z song that talks about Brooklyn and mentions Jackie Robinson.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO. I spoke too soon. Racist Alan Tudyk rears his ugly head.
A third decent white guy!
Notable Actors: Ashley Tisdale, Katt Williams, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Snoop
Dogg Lion, Heather Locklear
Director: Malcolm D. Lee
Music Used: KC and the Sunshine Band – “I’m Your Boogie Man”
Please kill me.
I will pay someone to kill me.
Two black stereotype jokes in the first minute. I hope my computer explodes in the next minute.
An Inception reference. How very timely! Only 1 minute left Ryan you can do this.
How did the great KC and the Sunshine Band get dragged into every one of these trailers? I hope they made bank from being associated with this crap.
Black Swan reference? What did they film this movie 3 years ago?
That wasn’t Tyler Perry. At least he’s not listed in the cast so I don’t think it was him. Even he won’t be associated with these turds.
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan’s scenes are together… this movie can go straight to Hell.
As much as I try to give every movie a fair shake before I see it, I am not so naive to think Scary Movie 5 has even the slightest of possibilities of being watchable. I don’t have anything else to say about it except that if you like the series you should never read anything I write again because I don’t make nearly enough references to dicks, butts, farts, poop, crotches, racial stereotypes, or out of date pop-culture to entertain you. 42 could very well be a decent movie. I don’t exactly have high hopes for it though. It looks cliche – a weird thing to say about a biopic – and slightly cartoonish.
Who Should Watch 42:
- Those people on my Facebook timeline that are incessantly posting about baseball already even though it’s only 10 games into an approximately 3,000 game season. Pump the brakes a little bit.
- People who don’t think baseball is boring because I guarantee this movie is a slog at a shade over 2 hours.
- Hipsters who love the old school wire rim glasses and Brooklyn.
Who Should Watch Scary Movie 5:
- Anyone who liked the previous 4. I’m not sure this person exists.
On the plus side, neither of these trailers had anyone falling a great distance and pulling through with little to no damage. Hooray for progress.