What if the Velociraptors from “Jurassic World” had a Flickchart?

by David Conrad · June 16, 2015

Before Jurassic Park in 1993, there were three kinds of people who knew what a Velociraptor was: people who had read Michael Crichton’s novel, paleontologists, and children in the middle of dinosaur phases. After seeing the film, the average moviegoer was probably more afraid of these hyperintelligent, super-fast pack hunters than any other species of dinosaur, including the infamous Tyrannosaurus Rex.

The Velociraptors were the surprise stars of Jurassic Park, but the first two sequels chose not to capitalize on their visceral power. The Lost World (1997) gave the T-Rex a family life, while Jurassic Park III toyed with the idea of pterodactyls. Only now are Velociraptors back in the limelight thanks to Colin Trevorrow’s record-smashing box office sensation Jurassic World.

The Isla Nublar breed still doesn’t have feathers, which real Velociraptors probably did, but they’re plenty fast, plenty mean, and plenty clever. They’re so smart in Jurassic World, in fact, they can be trained, employed, and reasoned with. Chris Pratt’s character can almost talk to them. He’s a veritable Raptor Whisperer.

If you could ask a Velociraptor one question, what would it be? Here at Flickchart, all we want to know is: what are your favorite movies? Here’s how we think a Jurassic World raptor would answer.

5. Blackfish

“We’re sick of being imprisoned on this island. We’re tired of entertaining tourists. We’ve had our fill of feed buckets and their cold, dead contents. We’re killers, like the majestic orca, and no less noble. We are animals, not circus attractions; if you want to see a monster, look in the mirror. Our captivity is a blot on your conscience, and when a trainer turns his back on us or a park guest leans too far over the railing, their deaths are on your heads, not ours.”

4. The Lost World (1925)

“We raptors are sophisticated cineastes. If you can’t appreciate a silent, stop-motion classic from the early days of movies, especially one starring Wallace Beery and based on a novel by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, then you can’t run in our pack. If you need to catch up on this title, the first of many to bear the name, it’s streaming for free at the Internet Archive.”

3. The Birds

“You can take the bird out of the dinosaur, but you can’t take the dinosaur out of the bird. Movies might like to pretend that we dinosaurs don’t have feathers, but discerning observers cannot ignore the affinity between raptors that run and raptors that fly. Why, then, did Dr. Henry Wu fill in our genetic gaps with frog DNA when crow would have been more appropriate? Only Alfred Hitchcock understood the awesome power of our winged descendants, who gather in numbers over unsuspecting victims in his seminal natural horror film. They do us proud.”

2. Jurassic World

“Hey, Blue, did you see yourself there? Oh, I think your left side is your best side, Trevorrow was right to insist on that angle. But the lighting didn’t do me any favors; you can barely see my spots! Do you think you’ll sign on for the sequels? I certainly shall. Filming in Hawaii was a dream come true, and working with Pratt again would be a delight. He’s just so sweet. . . and juicy, too, from the looks of him.”