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FUCKING EPIPHANY!!! It just hit me, I am now fully aware of the resons behind my Bandidas hatred! Anyway let me deal with 54 first. So here's a movie where a good-looking nobody (Philippe) ingratiates himself with a group of decadent nightclub owners and social quasi-elites. I thought I'd enjoy this movie because of all the sociopaths, the glitz and the matter-of-fact debauchery. No such luck. Salma Hayek and Neve Campbell both look hot in it, but 54 runs out of legs and slowly disappoints. Alternatively, there's the instant hatred that Bandidas brought forth. That movie was sooo dumb and so irritating, even with the delicious Hayek (Cruz is no Neve Campbell unfortunately). Here's the epiphany. I hated Bandidas because it reminded me of the song Aserejé by Las Ketchup. Same uber-frivolous, Spanish speaking cheese instigated by HB7 chicas. BUT... I heard Aserejé at some bar this weekend gone by and... I FUCKING LOVED IT! Does it mean there's hope for Bandidas? I dunno, but I urge everybody to listen to The Ketchup Song, and watch the video too. Good God, I must have repeated that 3:30 mins a thousand times in the last few days. Listen to the song people, especially you Americans who may not have been blessed by it in 2002. Just make sure you listen to the Spanish version and not the Spanglish or Portuguese versions. Fucki it, I'm gonna bust out some lyrics right now... Mira lo que se avecina/ A la vuelta de la esquina/ Viene Diego Rumbeando/ Con la luna en las pupilas y su traje aguamarina/ Van restos de contrabando/ Y donde mas no cabe un alma/ Alli se mete a darse caña/ Poseido por el ritmo Ragatanga/ Y el DJ que lo conoce/ Toca el himno de las doce/ Para Diego la cancion mas deseada... Y LA BAILA! Y LA GOZA! Y LA CANTAAAAAAAAA! Aserejé, ja, de jé, de jebe tu de jebere sebiunouba majabi an de bugui an de buididipi!!!!!!!!! (Actually, come to think of it, the girls could almost be singing about Ryan Philippe in 54.) Sugarhill Gang eat your heart out!
This might help you deal with your Bandida demons:
Hahahaha! Nice work man. That song is sooo damn fun. It might actually force me to rewatch Bandidias.
I think I suffer from some kind of genetic defect that compels me to listen to Eurodance music. As soon as I read your comment I was looking that song up. It seemed only logical that a Bandidas/Las Ketchup video needed to be made. If it does play a part in opening your eyes to the misunderstood masterpiece that is Bandidas, then my effort was well worth it. Not that I believe I should steer people toward liking movies that destiny has not chosen for them. You, however, seem to possess the necessary characteristics for appreciating the film. Well, aside from your inability to recognize Penélope Cruz's overwhelming beauty. She's a total Stendhal syndrome type of deal for me. Anyway, I need to watch this 54 movie so I can come up with a legit comment. (And so I can scoff at Neve Campbell's utter lack of Cruz Power.)
I can't see you enjoying 54 too much. I think you'll probably appreciate the premise (as I did) and then find the execution and follow-through quite blah (ditto). I often wonder how I'd feel about Penelope Cruz if she had a cute button nose. I think she'd rate higher than Neve Campbell (who probably maxes out at about a 7/10 on her good days and has frying-pan-face issues on her bad days). Stendhal Syndrome? I had to look that up but I think it could be a totally useful addition to my persona lexicon.
Don't worry about not knowing what Stendhal Syndrome was. Sometimes I have to consult a dictionary when I read your comments, because you use words in ways that hurt my head. Even words that I know the definition of, you make them strange to me. You know Brad Pitt in Snatch? That's what reading your comments is sometimes like. I believe in fair wordplay, while you use street rules. (Are you going to use Stendhal as a line to pick up chicks? Just wondering.) Anyway, the nose thing only makes her more special to me. I will admit that there's a scene in Bandidas where they catch her nose at such an angel that I can't manage to find it attractive. But these occurrences are thankfully rare. I'm working on Hayek's filmography right now, so I need to watch 54 despite the good chance that I will not like it.
"Street Rules", LOL! Regarding Stendhal, admittedly that was the first thing to cross my perverted mind, but I can't see it being a viable pick-up line, not that I consider myself a real PUA or anything, far, far from it. I do ok-ish but I think to be considered a ladies-man your conversion rate ('number of approaches needed per date' or 'number of dates per lay') has to be quite respectable. I compensate for my humble (well, just about the better side of average maybe) conversion rate by really upping the number of approaches. Anyway this is a longwinded segue into why I don't think 'Stendhal' is not a good pick-up. You ever read on of those 'How To Be A Player' books? Most guys have even though we know they're largely filled with dense bullshit and/or obvious tips... But there's a common fact that keeps re-appearing, one that I personally agree with: Don't compliment her looks (at first), especially if she's attractive. There's just no point telling a hot girl she's hot, I mean she already knows it and every other swinging dick has already tried the obvious, unoriginal method. IMHO the 'Stendhal' line would best be used on a first or second date, like during a contemplative silent moment... one of those awkward smile moments maybe. Even then, the delivery might have to appear really warm and sincere just to alleviate some of the pretentiousness. I dunno why I'm rambling about all this. It's a topic I find interesting I guess. Fuck, now I'm actually trying to sequence this in my head. 1) Take a girl out on a date. 2a) DO NOT give her the obligatory "wow you look [generic superlative]" when you pick her up/ meet her for the date. 2b) If she fishes for a complimet by telling how good you look, deflect by saying thanks and tell her how you were unsure about the shirt/jacket. 3) Wait for an opportune, silent moment near the end of the date. 4) Say something corny, like "I'm really quite taken with you, somethin', somethin', Stendhal Syndrome. 5) Wait for her to say "What's that?" 6) Give a rehearsed definition while appearing a little shy. 7) Sum-up by saying "anyway, it means you're a beautiful woman, I've told you that right?" 8) You haven't told her that so wait for her to shake her head OR bring it up yourself. 9) Appear mildly flustered at your insensitivity. 10) Re-confirm her beauty and give her some bullshit about being really nervous at the start of the date but now feeling very comfortable with her. 11) Let the moment hang slightly and then rapidly switch subjects (call the waiter or some shit). 12) Finally, exude maximum confidence. Well, that's the pattern I've come up with. What do you think? A bit too exaggerated? If she sees through you you're totally humiliated. Does one think about this petty, manipulative crap when one's inside a marriage?
I'm not the best person to ask about this for three reasons: #1 I suck at BS-ing #2 I never had to woo my ex-wife because she sort of stalked me for several months. When I finally relented to her advances, the BS-ing stage was unnecessary. #3 I have an ex-wife partially because I suck at BS-ing, and suck at being married in general. The counselor I talked with a couple of years ago said I might have mild schizoid tendencies. The most positive aspects of my marriage involved either talking about our cats or bantering in the bizarre marriage language that we created. When it came to me answering questions about what outfits she should wear, I wanted to jump out the window. Whenever she was needy, I wanted to jump out the window. Not to say that I didn't compliment her often, but when she wanted compliments over something silly or unwarranted I just felt irritated. So, yeah, I thought the petty, manipulative crap. And it drove me nuts. If I used the Stendhal line on her while I was married, she probably would've bought it on some level, though. Even if she thought it was cheesy.
Oh, and your description of the above process is frightening in its detail. If I could actually use that on a woman and get away with it, I'd probably think less of her. But anybody can be BS-ed, I figure, under the right circumstances. Particularly when up against a seasoned Lothario.
Hardly a "seasoned Lothario" but I'll be damned if I wouldn't loved to be considered as such. I've never been stalked though and, man, that would be a cool thing to be able to tell people. Interesting point about thinking less of someone. Maybe that would be a problem that could obstruct a 'healthy relationship'. Doesn't really matter in the short term though right? I mean wouldn't you slam Penelope Cruz six ways and senseless even if you found her personality grating, even if she was especially dumb? There are limits to how much 'aaaaargh' one can bear, but...
I guess my experience with having to play the game (and being terrible at it) while being married soured my perspective even on the short-term benefits. I was spoiled by not really having to try to impress my ex-wife during the dating phase. I said a lot of insane things that would probably scare off most women, but she was so single-minded in her pursuit that she apparently wasn't too concerned. When I got married, I found out that the rules were considerably different. She wanted me to BS. Of course, I wasn't supposed to acknowledge that I was BS-ing, but we both knew that's what she was looking for. The way I saw it, when a husband genuinely (and frequently) compliments his wife about her positive traits, there could be more honesty about her neutral or less positive traits. Not so. She wanted positive marks across the board much of the time. I just didn't want to be one of those husbands who stuck his head up his ass and said "Yes, dear" all the time. Instead, I ended up hitching a ride to Crazy Land. (There were other issues, as well, but that was a biggy. I was annoyed at how she often felt threatened if I said I thought a movie actress was attractive. I never cared if she talked about some guy's looks. One can appreciate the painting without taking it off the wall...) So, after meeting Goddess Cruz and going through the complex Stendhal line delivery, I would likely feel a bit crushed if she said "Take me, you charming Conquistador" without at least laughing at me for a few minutes. If she saw it as BS but appreciated the audacious cheesiness of the attempt (and recognized my genuine adoration), I guess that'd be OK. As long as she didn't actually believe the line itself at face value. Ah, screw it. I just hate the politics that come with any human relationship.
Got your back, Jack. Bitches be crazy. I never really met one that got upset when I said some famous so-and-so was hot, but oh man, oh man it's fucking slow suicide to tell a girl that her friend is hot. I mean, why even ask the question if you're just that damn insecure about your looks? So I guess it's not so much that "anybody can be BS'd", it's just that they want to be on some level. Hah!