Twilight vs. Snow White and the Huntsman

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The first Twilight admittedly is not a god-awful movie, but it is a missed opportunity. Though the story itself is as old as the hills, something fresh and new could have been done with it and Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart could have given us performances that made their subsequent uber-stardom seem totally deserved. Instead we have a cliched teen romance that has almost no bite. In Snow White and the Huntsman, Kristen Stewart finally becomes a full-blown Hollywood star. She isn't allowed many lines, but her interpretation of Snow White is a fresh twist.

The first Twilight admittedly IS a god-awful movie. That is really all I would have to sa yet I will say more. Snow White was an original interpetation of the classic story that we all know anchored by a fantastic performance by Charlize Theron. Kristen Stewart as always doesn't understand that her face could be used to express her character's feeling but otherwise it is a pretty great movie.

I actually thought she did well in the role, but you couldn't be more right about Charlize Theron being the anchor of the movie. Her star shone the brightest.

I tend to enjoy Kristen Stewart movies. Not because she's in any way a good actress... no, no, no. I mean she's hopeless, hapless and gormless. I think I can watch her because I feel sorry for her. She anaesthetises my penis somehow and functioning exclusively with my brain I can sort of admire her strength in the face of her awful disabilities. Poor girl was born without a personality and clearly can't move her face. Sigh. I guess we can congratulate Sanders for accomplishing that rare feat of extracting a truly hammy and poor performance from Charlize Theron. Snow White is generally mediocre and occasionally ghastly. That entire mid-section with the dwarves (where one of them says "She's the one") is some of the worst footage I've seen all year. Even with the potent charms of Theron and Hemmsworth (who does his best to channel Alan Hansen) this film barely raises a pulse. Twilight is bad, but in a sort of magnetic way that makes you happy to have eyes, ears and a brain. I'm reppin' the teeny-bopping paranormals.

The people in those posters look exactly the same. Creepy airbrushed dummies. Remember when posters had actual art?

Like I said, that's Kristen Stewart. She came out of the womb with that face and she'll go into the ground with that face. Legend has it that she was fathered by Keanu Reeves and mothered by quick drying cement.

Snow White hands down.