What to Watch this Weekend: The Host vs. G.I. Joe: Retaliation
It can be tough deciding what movie to watch. We all have limited time and resources and can’t be expected to watch every new movie that gets shoved into theaters. With this series I am hoping to help lead you through the often rocky cinematic landscape to avoid the duds and misfires that can soil one’s love for the theater going experience. I will take what I assume will be the top 2 highest-grossing new releases, dissect their trailers, and then summarize who I think should see which movie. I’m not here to say which one will be better. I’m here to help you decide which will be better for you.
She should have just got a late night Crave Case. Way less chance of being attacked from behind.
How is it impossible she’s human when as-of-yet-named-guy is also human? Improbable maybe. Impossible no.
As-of-yet-named-guy’s name is Jared How. I don’t like it.
If Jared hasn’t spoken to another human being in two years why did we see the girl (her name is Melanie by the way) ransacking a refrigerator? What food doesn’t go bad in two years?
“This is the beginning of a love story.” Interest level falling.
Those two are real lucky the last remaining humans are both alive, or similar age, and attractive.
Refrigerator makes more sense now. We were invaded by what appears to be pod people.
There are more humans apparently. Maybe Jared is just a loner. Also you’d think if you were in a situation where you were defending yourself at all times you would have a better weapon than a flashlight.
Second week in a row with a trailer for a long fall for a character.
It’s hard to inhabit humans because their emotions are so powerful. Maybe we should wait to inhabit the emotional hurricane that is a teenage girl until she’s matured a little bit?
Nah, let’s just inhabit her anyway.
The cliche of teenage adventure movie trailers. A flurry of quick cut scenes that make no sense with what we’ve seen in the trailer so far backed by a semi-popular indie rock song.
Is Melanie in there? *Cue shot of Melanie next to a mirror and beat audience over the head with symbolism*
I should start off by saying I know little of the G.I. Joe mythology. I didn’t play with the action figures or watch the cartoon as a kid. I’ve seen the first movie, but didn’t retain anything substantive about it.
However, I am not completely in the dark, and know that’s the Cobra symbol and that they are bad guys.
Dwayne Johnson is so aware of his surroundings he notices the tiny evil bug machine and can sense something is amiss.
Again, someone takes a long fall that they would be injured horribly in. How would he not break both his legs?
Why doesn’t this president just use drones instead of Cobra to do his dirty work.
You call yourselves Joes because of John McClain?
See, I don’t know who are supposed to be good guys and bad guys in these sequences (except The Rock of course).
Wait – didn’t the Cobras have some nanobites that ate whatever buildings they touched in the first film? Why do they want to destroy random cities so badly? What’s left to take over?
Stakes being established, one liners, The Rock going rogue, action sequences, attractive woman never not being attractive no matter what the situation, confusion by Ryan about what’s going on.
The Rock doesn’t know the meaning of the word “neutral.”
On the whole, these are two movies that are very obviously shooting for two opposite target audiences. The Host is going after that young female audience that craves the against-all-odds teenage love story. G.I. Joe: Retaliation is the no-holds-barred action movie that appeals to the young male. Who will win out on date night this weekend? If I were the guys, I would let your lady pick this week, as I think The Host looks somewhat interesting and will probably have more moments of interest for you than G.I. Joe will have for your lady. If you want to trick her into watching it with you though, just continue to remind her that Channing Tatum is in it, and that it might be somewhat like the other movies Jon M. Chu directed, Step Up 2: The Streets, Step Up 3D, and Justin Bieber: Never Say Never.
Who Should See The Host:
- Those who loved that one Stephanie Meyer series. I think there is a name for them, “Hardlights” or something?
- People who enjoy the concept of Invasion of the Body Snatchers but also won’t deem anything not as good as it is an abomination.
Who Should See G.I. Joe: Retaliation:
- Kids who grew up playing with the toys and cartoon.
- People who are very happy The Rock is the current WWE Champion
- People who saw Olympus Has Fallen last weekend and enjoyed it. More White House shenanigans!