"It's a rat turd. A caper! If it's a caper, eat it."
I was quite looking forward to this one. I knew the general premise of the Body Snatchers story (alien plants turn people into pod people and take over the Earth), but I've never seen this version.
Curly-mopped President Snow, Spock, Lambert, and Ian Malcolm star in this surprisingly shoddy sci-fi flick, and all have terrible, terrible lines to deliver.
Here's a few gems:
"Here I am, you pod bastards! Hey, pods! Come and get me you scum!"
"How are we gonna get out of here? Through the door."
"We came here from a dying world. We drift through the universe, from planet to planet, pushed on by the solar winds. We adapt and we survive. The function of life is survival."
Give me a break. I wanted to like this, but its plot was so nonsensical, it's full of horrendous performances, and it's so self-serious that it ended up unintentionally hilarious. I mean, look at this dog. I won't even try to explain it, just look at it:
I mean, really folks? Why does this have a 96% on Rotten Tomatoes? Did they watch a different movie? Its commentary on distrust of government is so paper-thin and obvious it becomes comical. Its effects are barely better than a Roger Corman flick. I really don't understand. Someone's gonna have to explain it to me.
I'd like to imagine that John Carpenter went to the theater and saw this cheesefest and said, "Hey, I can make a 50s paranoia horror-thriller remake of my own that's actually good!" and then went and made The Thing.
Why anyone praises this is beyond me. I'd like to see the '56 version, or the '93 version, of the 2007 version... or on second thought, if critics seem to think this is supposed to be one of the best versions of the story, maybe I shouldn't. Maybe just reading the book would do fine.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers was at the time of this review at #333 on my Flickchart list of shame (ranked #594 among the best movies of all time [Yeesh.]). Here's how it entered my chart:
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. Splash
A perfectly average, charming mermaid comedy with Tom Hanks. Sorry, Snatchers. You're worse than average.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. Look Who's Talking Now
Ok, so this Travolta / Kirstie Alley sequel is pretty bad. I'll let Snatchers win because of how ridiculous it is.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. The Dark Knight Rises
It's not as bad as Batman Begins, it's not as good as The Dark Knight, and it's not as bad as Snatchers, so ultimately, the Nolan Batman finale wins.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. Moonwalker
A feature-length music video for Michael Jackson contains more interesting things in it than Snatchers. The extended Smooth Criminal is actually pretty fantastic.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. Paranormal Activity
Found footage is pretty well played out by now, but I'd say the original Paranormal Activity is still a pretty effective film. It certainly was effective in returning a $193 million profit on a $15,000 budget. It wins over Snatchers.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. What Women Want
I actually really like What Women Want - the premise is fun, Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt have a ton of fun with it, and have a definite on-screen chemistry. Totally wins over Snatchers. It should probably be higher on my chart, in fact.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. Shopgirl
Shopgirl is an odd, fairly depressing movie pairing two unlikely actors together - Claire Danes and Steve Martin. Part of it works because of this odd combination, and part of it doesn't. It's still a more interesting film than Snatchers.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker's Apocalypse
One of the better documentaries about a feature film, and a great exploration into the excess of filmmaking at the highest level. It makes Apocalypse Now an even more interesting film than it already is on its own.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
I'm not the biggest fan of Fear and Loathing, but it's got some really crazy sequences and zany performances. It'll take the matchup over Snatchers.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. Wonder Boys
Wonder Boys! What a great little movie. Such a good screenplay. Michael Douglas is perfect in it. Tobey Maguire, Frances McDormand, Robert Downey, Jr., Katie Holmes, Alan Tudyk - so many good actors! Probably needs to be higher on my chart. Wins, absolutely.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers vs. Dead Snow
Nazi zombies, back for more! At least it knows it's ridiculous. I think Snatchers director Philip Kaufman didn't get the memo.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers is now ranked #1029 out of 1371 movies on my Best Movies of All-Time chart.
Nathan Chase is a co-founder and the designer of Flickchart. He's also a multimedia designer & developer living in central Florida, an online culture and social networking enthusiast, a proud father, an avid PC gamer, an incessant movie watcher, known for an eclectic musical taste, and often writing and performing music - on the drums, guitar, piano, or computer.
You can find Nathan on Flickchart as Zampa, and email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.