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What If?

What If Jason Statham Had a Flickchart?

15, Feb 2013

Jason Statham is one of the last true action stars in film. His movies tend to elicit the excitement and adrenaline-fueled rush that Schwarzenegger, Stallone, and Norris were so good at creating back in the 80s. What would Statham’s Flickchart look like? Let’s have a look, shall we?

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What If Armond White Had a Flickchart?

4, May 2011

by Colin Biggs

Armond White is film criticism’s most famous contrarian. At one moment he writes a review declaring Toy Story 3 to be the most obscene excuse for toy commercials he has ever watched, and then two weeks later type out a glowing review of Resident Evil: Afterlife. He is of split-mind for sure. But what does his Flickchart look like?

1. Zardoz – The way the film portrays masculine-centered society is really an enlightening experience for all. It stands as the finest film to grace my 300-strong DVD collection.

2. Breakfast of Champions - Nick Nolte‘s closeted transvestite is truly representative of today’s emasculated workforce. A man so afraid of revealing who he is, he will become anyone to sell a car.

3. The Room - Tommy Wiseau is this generation’s Tennessee Williams. I only wish others saw greatness in him as I do.

4. Manos: The Hands of Fate - Gloriously illuminates the stretches that people will go to save themselves. Perhaps one of the best statements about the human condition in horror history.

5. First Sunday - It uplifts the soul to see what good Ice Cube and Katt Williams do for modern cinema. One would almost call it saintly.

6. Who’s Your Caddy - A delightful role reversal of racial discrimination in sports – particularly golf. Andy Milonakis could be the Sean Penn of a new decade.

7. EDTv – A masterclass in acting from Matthew McConaughey. Society today is all about who you are seen with and what you are doing. Ron Howard showed us what the Facebook generation would look like way before pretender ‘The Social Network‘ did.

8. Swept Away – Guy Ritchie may have done well financially and commercially with flicks like Snatch and Sherlock Holmes, but it is here with Swept Away that Ritchie’s true colors as an epic romanticist are shown. Truly splendorous!

9. Never Back Down – Was everything that Fight Club couldn’t be. A telling satire of the plight of 21st century males.

10. The Godfather – Come on! Even I like this film. Nobody hates The Godfather.

In: What If?
Tags: Armond White, Breakfast of Champions, EDTv, First Sunday, Manos: The Hands of Fate, Never Back Down, Swept Away, The Godfather, The Room, Who's Your Caddy, Zardoz

What If Barack Obama Had A Flickchart?

2, Nov 2010

by Dan

With the midterm elections going down today, let’s see how our great nation’s President is spending some of his free time during flights between stump speeches…

2012 – I just watched this for the first time yesterday and really wish I caught it in theaters. Had I known the world was going to end in 2012, I wouldn’t have tried to pass all that stuff that got the Tea Party going. Also, Black President.
Snakes on a Plane – I loved the build up and hype. I loved the great catch phrase. Time will judge the flick fairly.
A Prophet – This is just on here to keep all those knuckleheads who think I’m a Muslim busy.
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure – They’re on the right track but if you have infinite access to the world, you should try to meet celebrities and sports stars, not stuffy historical figures.
1941 – I often think of myself in the exact same terms Spielberg uses to describe his first box office bomb. I’m way ahead of my time and the Europeans love me.
The Running Man – I wonder how much my approval ranking would soar if I instituted this show. I could also use the combined political powers of stars Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura to right this ship.
Doom - Nobody does a better impression of me than Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson. I just wish he made better movies. If it was allowed, I’d have the upcoming movie Faster here already.
JFK – As President, I have access to certain information the rest of the public only dreams about. Obviously, my first foray into classified document land dealt with JFK. This flick isn’t far off but omits one vital player: Kuato.
12 Angry Men - Seriously, where are all the thoughtful, right-minded people this movie portrays? I could use a few right now to show the fringes how bugnuts they are.
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace – My comfort movie. I always feel better about myself after watching this because I know that no matter what I do, I’ll never be as disappointing as Episode 1.

This post is part of our User Showcase series. You can find Daniel as espin39 on Flickchart. He writes the New Release Posts around here and also writes for JoBlo every morning. If you’re interested in submitting your own story or article describing your thoughts about movies and Flickchart, read our original post for how to become a guest writer here on the Flickchart Blog.