A few years ago, I realized that my knowledge of film history was very limited. My timeline of film began with Back to the Future, and I could tell you more about the films of Pauly Shore than those of Marlon Brando. So, with the acknowledgement that I was missing decades of great films, I decided to start way back at the beginning of film and work my way to the present, learning as much about film and watching as many movies as I could in the quest for cinematic enlightenment. Through this endeavor, I found some of the greatest films ever made, as well as learned an incredible amount about the history of film. I would like to share what I have learned so far in a chronological look at film I like to call “Flickchart Film School”.
By now, we’ve all had a good chuckle at the leaked Paramount memo showcasing the studio’s terrible slate of upcoming projects, including kiddie caper comedy Dunderheads and the criminally unnecessary Zoolander 2. Funny stuff, for sure, but I can’t help feel a tad slighted by this document’s instant popularity. After all, I’ve been coming up with shitty film ideas on my Twitter account, @MoviesIWannaSee, for almost a year now! Are you really gonna sit there and tell me my idea for a Jake Gyllenhaal Woodsy Owl biopic isn’t as hilariously stupid as Baywatch: The Movie? That’s cold.
To try and help remind people that I am the original shitty movie machine, I’ve compiled a brand new special list for Flickchart of wretched cinematic visions I honestly hope come to pass in my lifetime. Hopefully you Flickcharters will enjoy this selection of ideas, but honestly I’m hoping more that someone from Paramount accidentally reads this between cocaine snorts off the ol’ iPad and gives me a development deal. Fingers crossed!
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